Understanding the misunderstood...

Being understood is just as difficult as understanding.

We all operate on varying levels of consciousness and, while most of us possess the same life skills as the next, troubleshooting and decision-making tend to be uncharted territory. Life can be broken down into varying forms of existence. Optimist, pessimist, serious, goofy, high-strung, laid back, and so on.

What we forget is that, despite the varying degrees of separation between each human, we are wholly different beasts in this journey called life. This alone is grounds for communication issues, misunderstanding, judgment and distaste. Because we all think differently, and take pride in ourselves, we tend to shift towards the idea that our way is the only way, that the street to bliss is paved with one path and no other.

Hogwash.

One man’s path is another man’s disaster, and if we fail to recognize the differences in each other, we will fail to coexist as humans. What looks completely insane to one man might be completely normal for another. Much of this comes from a differing value system, whether it be monetary, religious, or any of the other means with which to govern one’s life. These differences make it difficult for us to understand, to empathize, with others as they make their own push for happiness during these blessed lifetimes we are bestowed upon from the moment we pop out of the womb into this flawed existence.

I’m not perfect, nor could anything I do be considered “by the book.” It’s not planned that way, but simply by design thanks to the genetic and emotional DNA given to me at birth and over the scope and span of my lifetime as it stands today.

Therein sits the struggle.

The closest of friends question motives, question decision-making and – in essence – question me, and I have a hard time with this. My heart is not an object up for auction or review. It is mine and mine alone, and true friendship understands that, while you may not UNDERSTAND the decisions I make, you TRUST that I making them with the purest of intentions in mind. There is more than one way to skin a cat, as my pappy always used to say (sorry PETA, but it’s a stellar analogy). Every path taken, even decision making, is based on the idea that I am doing my best with what I have been given.

Sometimes, it is in our nature to misunderstand the decision making of others because we fail to see this wonderful world from their eyes. I can’t see life through the eyes of a money-loving businessman, yet in judging, I fail to recognize that this “love” of money might not be what it seems. Perhaps it’s simply a means to provide for his family. Again, failure to empathize with another member of this global community we engage on a daily basis shifts my understanding to judgment instead of faith.

What sits at the core of this problem is a need to understand, instead of trust, others. We’ve gone so far from trust to become suspicious animals that are always waiting for the other shoe to drop in relationships because we’ve failed to flush the past. Been burned once? Well, never again. This sad shift from trust in civilization has created a society that is destined to continue shifting so far away from each other that common relationships will be based more on like-thinking instead of towards finding people you care about in life no matter the differences you have.

Friendships are valuable when permitted to blossom, but when one party believes they are better than another, when they question the decisions made by the other, it tends to become a one-sided and arrogant existence. It’s a symbiotic relationship in that we give in one area and receive in the other. One may be wise in mathematics but the other in grammar but who’s to say which of the two are better? Neither, of course, but the mathematic believes in numbers while the writer sees only from an aesthetic point of view. The numbers man judges the word lover for not being more linear while the writer judges the numbers man for being too logical without accounting for human emotion. Both could add depth to the other if they worked together in give and take.

It’s analog vs. digital. Vinyl vs. MP3. Power vs. Finesse.

Finding that common trust in friendships, and in society as a whole, should be the quest for every man. Agreeing to disagree, but trusting the others motives is tough yet productive. Having faith in your friends regardless of your understanding is the true test of love, no matter the circumstance, and if you can’t trust in them, you fail yourself as a friend. At some point, you have to believe the pilot flying the plane knows where they’re going while you sit in coach en route to this untold destination, letting go of that internal struggle to always be in control.

Let them navigate with your support and trust, not judgment because, in the end, and in life, nobody enjoys a back seat driver…

Distracted negligence...

Words can hardly contain my feelings of shock and repulsion by reports of the movement that resulted in the publication of "new" editions of "The Adventures of Tom Sawyer" and "Huckleberry Finn" in which the offensive racial epithets "injun" and the "n-word" are now replaced by "Indian" and "slave" respectively. Gotta love butchering classic literature of its purpose because the words and their context are unattractive.

Those who forget the past are doomed to repeat it. The dehumanizing of slaves in "Huck Finn" and the father figure relationship between Huck and Jim is what exposes racism at its core. We might as well start teaching this generation "The Cat in the Hat" and "Green Eggs and Ham" while asking them to write their essays in crayon because this will be the first generation since the birth of Western Civilization to actually be less educated than its predecessor.

I watch my niece and nephew use their computers, and I talk to my middle schoolers about what they do on their computers and what they're reading in their spare time. Whereas much of our generation spends time looking up useless information that increases our continuing thirst for knowledge, they're playing "Poke the Penguin," a game where all you do is touch the mouse on the penguin and it literally just pokes it. No joke. You don't have to answer a math question or pass a trivia quiz to earn the right to poke this frumpy little psuedobird. You just poke, laugh and continue to be distracted from the reality of the real world.

They play this thing for hours, then watch brainless Disney channel shows like "Hannah Montana," listen to canned "musicians" like Justin Bieber, or venture into fantasy as video gaming avatars. Education has gone from a learning experience to a contest of who can come up with the most exciting way to implement knowledge, subliminally at best and humiliating without a doubt. The minute the idea of watching a documentary, or reading a piece of literature (not of the vampire fiction catalog) is mentioned, stares of pain, resistance and disgust flush over their faces as if someone told them "The Hills" is scripted and Edward never loved Bella. If there aren't any explosions, bells and whistles or superficial rewards, they don't want a thing to do with it.

And forget internal rewards of learning. This generation just doesn't want to get better. Improvement is tuned out, by design, because they're learned from the best -- us.

Their parents don't care because our generation, Generation Y, has become the most narcissistic parental guides in history. We have spawned these modern SpongeBob'd younglings. Our generation would rather ignore the needs of our own children, play video games ourselves, watch reality TV, tune out, distract ourselves from the burden of reality and responsibility while placing our own priorities ahead of our children's. It's literally an inconvenience for many parents to simply sit at the dinner table and spend time explaining, educating and working with them to help foster growth as higher level thinkers.

Tired from work? Too bad. Accepting the burden of parenthood is the responsibility the generations that preceded us also had to do. It's slowly slipping down a dangerous path.

"Generation Y" is literally still sitting at the kids table, and our children are paying the price. You wonder how a government with sinister motives could ever garner the trust and faith of the masses in this day and age? I see a generation ripe with rubes ready and waiting for 'big brother' to command and control them into bondage...the ingredients are there and all that is needed is an insidious group willing to take the reigns of control like the Pied Piper.

We sit at a dangerous precipice. Our future dangles in the hands of a generation ill-prepared to protect and defend free civilization...the less educated, the easier one is manipulated into control. As it stands now, this next generation will be the first to take that step backwards towards a history we've so quickly forgotten and are damning ourselves to repeat.

Somehow, some way, our generation needs to firmly plant their foot in defiance and answer the call. If not, we fail our society, our children and ourselves in one fell swoop.

Ron Santo and a son's love...

This is one thing that reminds me of the innocence of my own childhood and the undying love and respect I have for my own father. Hate the Cubs as some of you may, but there is nothing more special in my life, outside of our faith in God, than that bond me and my pappy have than in our dual love of the Cubs.

Whether it was a Fathers Day in the bleachers, a late-night together -- me dozing off on his lap as he ate non-frosting blueberry Pop Tarts and drank Vitamin D milk while watching the Cubs play a night game on the west coast, or simply being on the phone with him in the midst of his prostate cancer radiation treatments as Carlo Zambrano threw the first no-hitter since my dad's childhood, it is and has always been one common and unbreakable bond between the two of us...

Ron Santo was very symbolic of that "blind loyalty" many of us Cub fans share...hate the Cubs as you might, but there's as much father-son sentimentality in my "fan-dom" as there is team loyalty. It's my fondest childhood memory of me and my dad, playing whiffle ball in the front lawn as I emulated every batting stance and pitching windup from my modern Cubs against him, as he perfectly emulated the batting stances and pitching motion of his favorite '69 Cubs.

My dad loved Ron Santo as a hero, and it strikes a chord with me when one of my pappy's own heroes passes on...life is fragile and it always brings to light the mortality we share daily with our own fathers....our mentors ...our own personal heroes...and, for me, my best friend...

"He whispered, "Don't Cry, we'll meet by and by near the Heavenly Hall of Fame. I've got season's tickets to watch the Angels now, so its just what I'm going to do...but you the living, you're stuck here with the Cubs, so its me that feels sorry for you!"

"Do they still play the blues in Chicago When baseball season rolls around When the snow melts away, Do the Cubbies still play In their ivy-covered burial ground When I was a boy they were my pride and joy But now they only bring fatigue To the home of the brave The land of the free And the doormat of the National League..."

Poof...

It's been a while since I've posted on here as I have been busy with life, teaching and a host of fun with some special people in my life. While busy, the last few months have been quite therapeutic in so many ways...it's been a rough eight months. I've made some life changing decisions, faced the darkest of times followed by some amazingly bright moments of reassurance. I've walked, stumbled, stood tall, fought back, dodged, ducked, battled and shown resilience.

It's been a constant barrage of lessons I wouldn't trade for anything in the world, and here are a few of the more poignant I've learned as I've sprinted through this mine field of life in 2010.

1) NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF THE LAWNMOWER: I know it sounds pretty sophomoric but this dance move can lead to very special things, depending on your luck. A dork like me could stumble into the arms of a '10' by merely mowing the lawn on the dance floor, especially if a 'gunslinger' is added into the mix. Delicious isn't a word to describe its power.

2) CALLOUSED HEARTS LEAD TO LONELINESS: There's so much pain in this world, but its only rivaled by the wonderful moments pain can lead to. Early this year, my life changed from one to another as I experienced a dose of heartache. Seriously, I thought I'd never feel the same, and maybe it's true, but at the same time, it allowed me to purge myself from some bad habits I have acquired along the way. What can I say: I'm a hopeless romantic trying to be romantic without being as hopeless...this is still a work in progress.

3) NOTHING IS AS UPLIFTING AS A KIND WORD FROM A STRANGER: Ever had a bad day? Yeah, me too. In fact, in one of the worst days of my year, I happen to receive a compliment from a total stranger that not only boosted my confidence but also encouraged me in a moment I felt as far from the finish line as I've ever been. It's strange, but a compliment from a friend is great but when someone — someone without any vested interest in your success or failure — encourages you, it makes those darkest of moments light up like a Christmas tree. I've made it a point to find ways to encourage complete strangers since that day, and here's hoping it's passed forward to others as well.

4) STILL HATE VEGAS DOUSCHES: They don't change. Sorry, I'm not into Fox Racing, don't enjoy UFC, wear TapOut gear, don white flat-billed caps cocked to the left and I don't treat women like garbage. If that's being cool, well, I'm content with being as dorky as possible. I've seen so many tool bags treat the lovely ladies in their lives with such contempt and disrespect lately, it's enough to make a grown man wretch. I've also learned that some women gravitate towards that and it's unfortunate. They deserve to have someone appreciate them for all the beauty they have inside and out yet they're like a magnet for these overgrown children who would rather watch a cage fight than spend a night on a hilltop kissing her gently under the stars.

5) SOBRIETY SEEMS TO BE A GOOD IDEA FROM TIME TO TIME: I haven't had a sip of alcohol since February. Not a drop, and I think it has allowed me to dig deeper into the layers I may have overlooked over the course of my life. It's not like I've been sloppy drunk all the time prior, but I've noticed a sense of clear thinking, far from numbed and sharper than a blade, as I tackle serious issues from my past. It's a pretty good thing to take timeouts from the ole booze and allow your mind, body and soul recharge. In fact, it's reassuring that it doesn't take much effort to refrain, and I'm happy to have battled through some tough moments and feel every bit of emotion as I endured.

6) NEVER TAKE THINGS FOR GRANTED: I know we all say this, but what happens? We take someone for granted and, "POOF!" they're gone. The human mind has a tendency to get comfortable when it is in the same place for too long. Nothing hurts worse worse than to feel taken for granted, and there's few more hurtful things to do to friends or people you care about than to make them feel this way either. The grass is always greener, and then — when it's gone — the opposing grass never quite measures up. This requires breaking the patterns of our past and realizing a good thing when you have it. Nothing more painful than regret...

7) WE'RE ALL MORONS: Nobody gives perfect advice. In fact, we usually do more damage than good, but we usually make ourselves less valuable the moment we open our mouths. Listen more often, stay off those iPhones, don't text others when you're spending time with someone special and always allow the other person vent. It's amazing how helpful you can be when you simply hold someone and allow them to spill their guts. Everyone wants to be heard, and deserves to have that luxury. Listen, and don't minimize others' pain by simply waiting for your turn to run your mouth. Give them the floor, rhetorically. With that said, what do I know? I'm the king of the morons.

When those nervous butterflies roll in, and life seems to painfully flick your earlobes, just remember that life comes in peaks and valleys. Sometimes the best times get overshadowed by our own ignorance and the worst times come and go without the least bit of learning. Be still, and listen to life's voice as you travel this path, and learn through every experience as if it's your first day of high school...

The Phantom Burden...

A man, falsely accused and convicted despite his innocence, was sentenced to walk the earth with a large boulder strapped onto his shoulders. Forced to carry this burden with every breath, the man toiled through life with the weight of his burden pushing him down with every step. Fighting many sleepless nights, shedding solitary tears hidden behind the façade of a jester’s smile, he walked the earth carrying his burden everywhere, a shell of his former self.

Finally, years later, he was found to be innocent and his sentence was vacated. The boulder was lifted and he was free to continue his life without the boulder and the weight it brought upon him. A funny thing happened to the man once his burden was lifted. Maybe it was his body’s constant conditioning to walk with the burden, or perhaps his fear that he would, once again, find himself unjustly accused and punished, but even with the boulder gone, the man simply refused to stand upright again, instead choosing to walk hunched over as if he still carried his unjust punishment.

His family begged him to move on and to rise up, his friends urged him to stand strong and put his past behind him, but the man simply did not have the strength or courage to move on. He was conditioned to carry a phantom burden in his mind’s eye, walking the earth as if he were responsible for something he had no control over.

Finally, one day as the man walked out away from his house, he looked towards a new path he hadn’t noticed. This path was different than anything he had ever seen — it led to a place of untold adventure, satisfaction and peace. But the path was perilous, steep and was no place for a man who could not stand upright or carry himself through the snares and unstable footing.

Desperate for peace and a new start, he looked back at his house, then down at the path — which was blocked by a large boulder, reminiscent of the very same boulder he had carried all those years. In despair, he finally looked upwards towards the heavens. As he stretched his neck back to look to the skies, he straightened his back — slowly but with confidence — as he peered at the clouds in the bright, blue beautiful sky. Suddenly, as if through a Divine hand, he straightened out as tall as he had ever stood

Surprised, but with a new set of eyes and a new perspective, the man looked across the land. He saw his home behind him, the new path in front of him and the boulder standing in his way. Upright and finally at peace with a newfound posture, the man rose from the ashes that had become his phantom burden — looking back to wave goodbye to his home before lifting the boulder with ease, pushing it far off into the brush.

Finally able to see the high-water mark of his life clearly visible in the distance, the man threw aside his cares and — standing tall in peace for the first time in years — he took his first steps towards a new life, one of perpetual joy, peace and a sense that his burden would no longer be anything but a memory.

He was renewed.

Belief and technique for modern prose...

Nothing from me, but from Jack Kerouac's own fingertips...this now sits where I can read it whenever I sit down to document life in vivid detail, with enthusiasm...

1. Scribbled secret notebooks, and wild typewritten pages, for yr own joy

2. Submissive to everything, open, listening

3. Try never get drunk outside yr own house

4. Be in love with yr life

5. Something that you feel will find its own form

6. Be crazy dumbsaint of the mind

7. Blow as deep as you want to blow

8. Write what you want bottomless from bottom of the mind

9. The unspeakable visions of the individual

10. No time for poetry but exactly what is

11. Visionary tics shivering in the chest

12. In tranced fixation dreaming upon object before you

13. Remove literary, grammatical and syntactical inhibition

14. Like Proust be an old teahead of time

15. Telling the true story of the world in interior monolog

16. The jewel center of interest is the eye within the eye

17. Write in recollection and amazement for yourself

18. Work from pithy middle eye out, swimming in language sea

19. Accept loss forever

20. Believe in the holy contour of life

21. Struggle to sketch the flow that already exists intact in mind

22. Dont think of words when you stop but to see picture better

23. Keep track of every day the date emblazoned in yr morning

24. No fear or shame in the dignity of yr experience, language & knowledge

25. Write for the world to read and see yr exact pictures of it

26. Bookmovie is the movie in words, the visual American form

27. In praise of Character in the Bleak inhuman Loneliness

28. Composing wild, undisciplined, pure, coming in from under, crazier the better

29. You're a Genius all the time

30. Writer-Director of Earthly movies Sponsored & Angeled in Heaven

The CLICKITY-CLACK of life's coaster...

Last night, I had a strange dream: Me and a faceless friend were at an amusement park, preparing to hop on the first roller coaster we saw that didn't have an excessive line. Once we found it, we started strolling through the galley like excited children. I'm sure most of you've felt that before at amusement parks, speeding through an empty line as the park nears its close so you can double or triple ride one of the attractions. Skipping around every corner, occasionally hopping over a section or two.

Once we got to the boarding station, it became apparent to me why this coaster lacked any riders — the first drop, preceded by what looked to be a limitless ascent, was beyond the clouds and into the stratosphere. In fact, you couldn't even see what the drop was. My heart jumped, as I'm scared to death of heights, but this faceless friend kept pushing me on, goading me into the last seat because "it's the fastest and you can get buggy-whipped from the speed." Before I could blink, I was sitting in the final car of an empty train watching the attendant wave goodbye as we left the station.

To make matters worse as we started the slow, clackity-clack of the ascent, my restraint didn't feel right. In fact, it wasn't restraining me from anything...CLACKITY-CLACK. I squirmed as we continued the ascent to this limitless peak, which — in my mind — held what would be the most massive inverted drop I've ever experienced...CLACKITY-CLACK. Pulling down the restraint, I could still feel myself slipping under it, and through it, with no semblance of protection from the impending climax and subsequent drop.

CLACKITY-CLACK, CLACKITY-CLACK...closer the climax came, and the more panicked I became. My stomach churned. There was no way I could stay in the car for the first drop, nonetheless the entire ride, and I couldn't find a way to get myself secure. CLACKITY-CLACK, CLACKITY-CLACK, CLACKITY-CLACK...the time of ascent — which should have take much longer to complete — neared its end. Still, no sense of security, no matter how hard I pulled or pushed or hung onto the restraints.

CLACKITY-CLACK...CLACK...CLACK...CLACK...CLACK...the moment arrived and my heart stopped in its tracks as I peered out over the vast expanse of the globe. The final CLACK slowed as the cars reached their final ascent. A pause, and then, knowing my restraints were of little use to me, I took one peaceful deep breath and hung on for dear life as my faceless partner patted my shoulder in support. CLACK (pause) CLACK (pause) CLACK...silence...silence stead for the slight breeze above all the Earth whistling through my ears, and all the panic within in me peaked like a acid wave before the wheels turned, and the cars began to follow the track down through the clouds into the nearly infinite drop.

But a funny thing happened on the way down: the drop never came. In fact, it was merely a short dip into a ride that more resembled a kiddy park attraction than one found at a Six Flags. Up and down, it tickled my tummy but never did we find ourselves in any real danger. The restraints, which I feared would never hold, tightened up and we rode the hilly coaster until we finally arrived safely into the station.

So invigorated from the emotional spectrum I had just experienced, I unlocked my restraints, and ran quickly to the front of the coaster, plopped down in the front seat and was ready to give it another ride, this time so I could enjoy the ascent and all the beauty it entailed that I had missed in my panicked state the first time. My excitement peaked, only to find out the ride was now closed for the night and I had to vacate the amusement park.

I can still feel the sense of panic in my gut now as I re-tell the story. Every sense was vivid in detail and every emotion unquestioned. The dream itself became symbolic of how so many of us face the coming adversity. How many times in life do we rashly hop on what looks to be an easy trail and then find out its far from easy, and reserved for only experienced climbers? We kick, scream, cry, panic in every moment leading to our climax, only to find out our fears were unfounded and the worst was merely of our own creation.

Panic is such a deceptive emotion. Salesmen use it to close business deals through the sense of urgency, teachers use to through pop quizzes, parents use it to arrive to church on time and we force it upon ourselves when we live through circumstances we are unsure about. In essence, panic is as man-made as plutonium and as pointless as gills on an flat screen TV. We burden ourselves with this emotion, blinding ourselves to the beauty of the journey around us as we travel each path.

In my own life, I have some major hurdles to conquer in the next few months. There is plenty of uncertainty ahead of me, but somewhere — like my faceless ride partner — there is Someone encouraging us to stare it head on and live without fear, despite possible failure. Why do we always fear failure? Failure is the world's greatest teaching tool. We don't learn much through victory because it easily masks the flaws within us. It's through failure that we learn to adapt and rise above the lesson to become something better, something evolved.

We are drenched in failure, whether you see it or not. As humans, we are flawed and lacking in so many ways. We kill our own, we steal from our own, and we treat others with contempt instead of like family. Our society is so lost that we'd sell our own first-born for a leg up in this world, with common decency floating out the window from our wrist like a child's complimentary carnival balloon.

To survive, we must embrace the roller coaster of life, stare it head on and NEVER forget what's most important — the view itself. If we spend the entire ascent worrying if we're going to survive the fall, we miss out on all the beauty leading up to it. Sure, the fall may be massive but sometimes — most times — it is hardly ever as bad as it seems. We make mountains out of molehills so many times in this life that we forget about the beauty of the here and now. Worse, we never get a second chance to experience because once the time passes, you can't go back and re-ride the experience. The park's closed.

Let go of the panic, the fear, that pollutes our ability to enjoy today. We're never guaranteed tomorrow and we never even get a chance to reach the peak we fear so much. Faith in something better, in God, provides us our own riding partner because there is no question in my mind that He is sitting there, riding shotgun, smiling at our own blindness. If we spend less time worrying about our restraints and more time enjoying the ascent, we can see Him gesturing to all the beautiful landmarks of life as we slowly climb the CLICKITY-CLACK of passing time.

The ascension does not allow for do-overs, and panic only blinds you to the entire scope and span of its beauty. Don't miss out. Slow down, enjoy it, and let go of the panic you've created within your own heart. Give it away, and enjoy the ride...besides, who wants to have that memory captured with a sour face when we pass the "Coaster Cam?" I sure don't, and I will give my all to enjoy this ascension as best I can before it peaks, and is gone, never to return again.