Some fire burns quickly, only to fade away into the night air while others burn white hot, maintaining its physical attributes for days, decades, centuries or even millennia. Stars burn out with immense heat for thousands of years yet a candle burns hot for merely a moment before fluttering away into a smoldering red reminder of what came and went so quickly.
Faith can be like fire in so many ways. Some people's faith burns as hot as the core of the sun, never faltering despite the cold hard elements around it. Some burns like a soaked match in the winter wind. Then there's the faith that never waivers but must always stay near a heating source to remain hot. Unfortunately, the moment it moves away from the source, it falters under the duress of a slight breeze.
I always wonder which I fall under. My biggest battle every day is to remain faithful in my walk, while staying true to what God wants me to know and learn throughout each struggle. It's almost as if I need to be in a permanent state of conflict for me to maintain my faithfulness and I wonder if I'll ever get to a point where I can simply maintain the heat within on a consistent basis as opposed to be needing to stay near the flowing lava of destruction to maintain that heat.
So quickly we forget these feelings when we're completely reliant on God. In loss, pain, heartache, fear or any of the countless emotions that require us to lean on Him, it's easy to cry out and find our peace in God's grace. But pain subsides, loss is refilled, heartache is healed and fear becomes courage once your eyes adjust to the darkness of uncertainty.
This is where many of us falter.
The good times provide a great test of our faithfulness. The minute we move away from the fire, we can either cool or maintain that heat like a walking lantern into the pitch black of the world. We move closer to comfort only to find ourselves move further from God, and as we drift, we give into actions we would never think or consider while in the midst of our struggles. Soon, fear becomes overconfidence and loss becomes an overabundance, leading us into a false sense of security.
For those who can maintain that fire, their relationship with God continues to flourish and there is a constant heat but for those of us who haven't learned to maintain that heat, we find a lukewarm existence that slowly cools. I worry about myself because it seems like God always needs to strip me bare before He can minister to me, and I'm tired of it taking so much to get through to me. It's like I live a spiritual life cursed with ADHD, floating to something else when my eyes should be on Him, first and foremost.
Many of my friends count themselves as Christians, as do I, but I can count on my two hands the amount of times we've prayed together. This doesn't seem right to me, and as someone who knows better than anyone else how faithful God is, why haven't we put God as the cornerstone of our friendships? Our friendships can never move to a deeper level unless we allow God to transform it into something deeper. You can only dig so far with a shovel before you need a drill to push past the layers buried beneath the loose dirt.
Not sure who else to blame but myself, I always look to the future for guidance but fail to recognize the need in the here and now. I should lead. I should encourage. I should minister. Do I? Not enough. It takes a momentous calamity for my eyes to reopen and my spiritual leadership to shine through, and this can't be acceptable to me because it certainly isn't in God's eyes. His provisions in life are far greater than our own eyes recognize and it's almost like we take it for granted like we do the air we breathe.
The struggle is daily. The satisfaction is minimal. The results are unacceptable. Sometimes it's best to lead by example, not through words and these past few months have been tests of that ability for me. I know better, have been taught better and should seek to capture that potential God has blessed me with. It's as if I've been waiting for a moment that may never come, procrastinating and wasting precious time God has given me. Must I wait for calamity for me to find that voice, or will I break free of this cycle and become the man God intended on the day He formed me in His own image?
Like the Greek in Plato's "Allegory of the Cave," I sit staring at the distractive dancing shadows on the wall despite this knowledge that there is more to all this, that I must break free of these chains and tell all who will hear that their bondage is merely a shadow on the wall, a distraction from the enemy to keep us from becoming the strongest parts of ourselves. Breaking free isn't easy, and it takes time to adjust to the light once outside, but the strength lies within ourselves and all we need to do is lift our heads and see the strings and puppets casting shadows in the wall.
Our potential is so great as humans, yet we accept and expect the bare minimum from ourselves. I don't know where my path is leading me, but I do know the journey takes preparation in ernest. The potential within cannot be wasted and if this frustrates me, I can't imagine how much it must pain our Creator when He sees me fail, falter and turn my eyes on something other than His own will.
Accountability comes from within, and we must all find that strength within before we can expect it from others because this is such a highly personal journey for each and every one of us. So many times I've cried out for strength only to learn it was already within me, but I failed to utilize it. God will carry us, when the need be, but we can't take it for granted as He wants us to put feet to our prayers and live on our accord, free from anything but a flourishing relationship where we are one with Him.
That fire must burn bright at all times, not faltering when the path darkens and as we fumble through the pitch black of the night sky looking for a spark. Then, and only then, will we realize we were in His arms the entire time — it was our own mouths that continued to snuff out the fire and we never even knew it.
And all it took was for us to keep this fire stoked was to close our mouths and raise our eyes to Him...
No comments:
Post a Comment